Why won't those flames engulf me?
by ekholcombe
Summary: Katniss, Peeta and Gale at the end of Mockingjay, before the epilogue.
1. Chapter 1

Watching the fire, I feel the hole at the pit of my stomach gape ever wider. The emptiness never leaves, I am drowning in grief. Grief for Prim. Even her name brings a clench to my stomach and a burning sickness inside me.

_Don't think, Katniss. Let her go. _

But I can't. I can't let her go. How can I? She was my little sister. So young, so fragile. I did everything I could to protect her, and now she's gone. Gone. And she's never coming back.  
>My body is too weak for tears. Instead, I just curl up and wish for the fire to engulf me.<p>

A knock at the door startles me. Greasy Sae can't be here yet, it's too early. Maybe she just came to check up on me.  
>I rise, ignoring the pins and needles tingling in my toes. I stagger to the door, and pull it open. There stands Peeta.<p>

My eyes widen noticeably, and he raises an eyebrow. But when he opens his arms, I don't hesitate for a minute. A whimper escapes my throat as he holds me while I cry. I press my face against his chest, taking him in. I suddenly realise that I must look like a complete mess. My hair is matted, and I don't bother to wash anymore, but there he is. And his arms are warm and steady. He smells of the bakery. He smells of Peeta. 

When my knees buckle, he tries to steady me, but then gives up. I feel myself being lifted off the ground as he carries me upstairs and lays me down on the bed. He collects a blanket off of the dust ridden floor and wraps it around me.

"Peeta," I manage to choke out.

"Shhhh, Katniss it's OK." He whispers. I am vaguely aware of him holding my hand as I fall into blackness.


	2. Chapter 2

Sunlight pours into the room when I finally awake from a nightmarish sleep that seemed to inhabit me for days. The sheets are still damp from the sweat that poured off of me.

Slowly, I stretch my stiff limbs and stretch out. My arms ache but inside I feel a sense of determination inside of me that I haven't felt for months.

Suddenly, like a flash of lightning, I remember the night before. It comes to me like a dream, the memory is so muffled. I remember the tears that Peeta brushed away with his thumb as I fell asleep and I remember the way his hand felt on mine and how it had felt so _right. _But where is he? He used to stay until the morning, holding me.

I sit up too quickly and an overwhelming dizziness comes over me, so I have to lie down again. A loaf of bread sits on the table, along with a steaming mug of Capitol hot chocolate. Peeta? Where are you?

I pull on some clothes before I even realise what I'm doing. I'm getting dressed...maybe; just maybe, a life without misery could rise out of my grief. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My face is bony, and appears hollow. I look like a ghost. I shudder at the thought.

I want to go hunting. The air outside is warm and fresh and I want to get out of here, to run away to those woods that have always provided a sanctuary, a safe place when all else was ruined. A place that has kept me alive all these years.

I hurtle down the stairs, although sudden movement is not recognised in my body anymore and I have to stop to take deep breaths before moving on. I make my way out of the victor's village and down to the meadow. Out of pure habit, I check if the fence still hums. When I realise my actions, I smile to myself at my silliness.

The woods feel beautiful and like home to me. The leaves crunch under my feet and I dance between the shadows that the trees create on my path. The scent of the leaves and the plants make me stop, close my eyes and just breathe it all in for a moment. Then I carry on, absorbing everything.

I pick blackberries and nibble on them. The sweet tang echoes in my mouth. I pick fruits and herbs and gather them in an old sack. For the rest of the day, I visit the lake and dangle my feet in the water. It feels lovely and cool on my hot feet. I lean back, trying not to think of Gale and failing. He has been on my mind all day, although I try to deny it. I see him everywhere. Ahead of me, preparing a snare. Behind me, watching my back. I have to turn and check he isn't there. My stomach clenches because I miss him so, but did he kill prim? I still can't shake that thought either, however hard I try.

When the sun begins to set, I head back towards town, with heaps of berries and nuts. I slip under the fence and practically skip home.

When I bump into Peeta, I stand there for a minute, shocked. His presence unnerves me, for reasons I can't explain.

"Peeta?" I say, somewhat shyly.

He stares at me and lowers his head. We both know that he normally stays to protect me from the nightmares. Or that he did, anyway.

"What's wrong?" I ask. "Where did you go?" I tentatively lift my hand to touch his cheek. He holds my hand there, and his eyelids flutter shut briefly, no doubt conjuring up some disturbing nightmare from the Capitol.

"You're scared of me, aren't you?" I spit. I know it isn't like that really. I know he is just afraid for me, but I there is a part of me that wants to be angry at him for leaving me alone last night. I know he is scared that he will go 'mutt'.

"No, no it's not like that..." He says, evidently startled at my sudden change in attitude. He can barely choke out the words. He looks so ashamed. 

I know I should stop and sigh and take back my words and hug him and apologise. But I don't. "Well, let me know when you work it out." I say. This makes him flinch at the memory it brings up to both of us. When he realised I was only acting for the games.

When I'm out of his direct view, I crumple to the ground. The day had been so good, but then I had hurt Peeta and made everything horrible. Why did I spoil everything? All those people that died because of me...


	3. Chapter 3

_**I'm sorry I haven't updated for ages. Please review if you want me too, because otherwise I'm not sure if anyone is actually reading... but thank you for the reviews and favourites so far **_

The sound of thunderous, heavy rain disturbs my reckless sleep, not that I mind. I feel a hand clenched in mine, and relax. Although Peeta maybe couldn't fight off my bad dreams tonight, at least he was there. He obviously forgave me for what I said.

But when I open my eyes, Peeta isn't there. It's Gale. My stomach drops.  
>"Gale?" I whisper.<p>

"Hey, Catnip," he grins. "You OK?"

"Yeah," I reply. Why was I so disappointed to see him? Then I remember about the parachutes and Prim. Prim. The thought of her draws a quiet whimper from my throat.

"Katniss?" Gale looks concerned. Then he sighs in recognition. "Katniss, I don't know if it was my fault that Prim died. We will never know." We had had this conversation before...

"Look. I'll go if you want. I should be getting back anyway." He releases his hand from my loose grasp and stands up. He looks down at me with an expression that I can't determine.

"Gale, don't go." I can't stand the thought of being left alone in this empty house.

"I have to, anyway, even if you did want me to stay. I was just visiting 12, I need to get back to 2. I have stuff to do..."

"Gale you can't just leave me here! I have no-one!"

"You have Peeta..."

"No, I don't!"

"He got me to come and look after you..." Oh. I thought Gale had come to visit and then discovered me in a crumpled heap... But it was actually Peeta. I just keep owing him didn't I? Even after I was a complete, foul, idiot, he still got Gale to come and help me and look after me.

"I'll come with you." I say, suddenly.

"What?"  
>"I'll come with you." I repeat.<p>

"Really?"

"Yeah." 

So it's settled. Gale goes upstairs and takes several handfuls of clothes from my drawers and folds them quickly into a brown rucksack that my father used to use for our day trips. He makes me drink some warm milk and eat dry slices of bread before we leave. The bread just reminds me of Peeta though. I decide to forget him. He doesn't want me anyway. I will just forget him..._forget. _But how do you forget someone that saved your life countless times?

Gale helps me into to the hovercraft when it arrives. He never told me how wealthy he was now. Being so high up in wherever he works obviously has its benefits. Not that I care much for money anymore. The ride is uneventful. Gale takes my hand and although I cannot cease thinking about his involvement in Prim's death, I don't resist. He will just feel remorseful and it won't change anything other than his mood. Being angry with him won't bring her back.


End file.
